Fearless honesty was the answer
I was Born and raised in Stockton CA. Oldest brother of three brothers. Both parents are normies; only drink during family gatherings. I would like to qualify myself as an Alcoholic and Addict by saying that when I drink or use any substance, I always end up in trouble, either incarcerated or rehab. My childhood was great, I had everything I wanted as a child and if not more than what I deserved. There was no drugs or abusive alcohol in my household. My parents would not fight or argue when they drank. I picked up my first taste of alcohol when I was 14 at a party, my cousins and I decided to sneak a beer into my room and drink it. I did not feel anything and I did not think anything about it.
When I turned 15 years old my parents got divorced. They sat me down one morning, and then they started telling me that they could not be together no more. They asked me to make a decision… who did I want to go with? At that point I wanted to have as much freedom as I could, so I decided to go with my dad. That was fine until I went to a party with my cousins, and then I got introduced to drugs, and more alcohol. That night I had my first taste of weed and pills. During the party I started feeling super awesome. After that party I went to my dad's house, and he wasn’t happy about it.
At this point I have begun to fall in love with the way alcohol and other substances made me feel. I would go to every party my cousins would go to and my using started advancing slowly. I had gotten introduced to methamphetamine, and fell in love with it. Eventually I started committing small crimes. In and out of Juvenile Hall. Started to want to be like my cousins by having all the money and girls and cars that they had. At this point my dad did not want me at the house no more if I wasn't going to change. So I moved in with my cousins, and I did not want nothing to do with my parents, because my cousins would let me do anything I wanted to do.
This went on until when I turned 16 years old, when I committed a crime and went to county jail for the first time. At this point I will do anything to get attention from everyone. A day before I turned 17, I caught my first felony, and got sentenced to a few years in prison, my first strike and two years of parole. Did a few months on this sentence. I got out went back to my same lifestyle. It did not take long for me to catch my next two felonies. This time caught my second strike, and another few years in prison. I was incarcerated for about 10 months and my parole officer came and picked me up. She said you are leaving this place. I had no idea where I was going, the drive took forever. When I woke up from a nap, we were pulling up to some place called Salvation Army in Chico, CA. I started asking her what are we doing here… I don't need help? She then said I'm giving you a chance for you to change your life.
When I walked into this place my intentions were to leave as soon as she took off my cuffs. I walked in on October 14, 2017. I ended up staying at this place for about eight months. While being there, I got introduced to AA meetings and NA meetings. I was told to find someone to start working my steps with had no idea what that was. Found myself a sponsor that I started working the steps with but was not being honest or willing. There was a lot of fear in me of telling another human being the harm and damage I have done to other people. There was one day that the staff got tired of me and kicked me out. That day I called someone that I had met in rehab. He picked me up I stayed on his couch for about a week and a half. And then he helped me to get into a sober living house.
Moved into the sober living house. I walked into the place with the stuff that I had on my possession only. I was at the sober living house for about a year and a half. Started going to a lot of meetings, but was not willing to be honest with people. Would only tell them what they wanted to hear. At this point, I have service commitments with Alcoholics Anonymous. Was not working a program but wanting to stay sober so I would go to a lot of meetings and do service.
While being at SLE, I relapsed on July 15,2019. I was emotionally drained and spiritually drained. Was not working a honest program, lying to everyone that I was OK, but I wasn't. On July 23 2019, I started my new recovery date, walked into a meeting and expressed what I was going through and feeling. Since that day I became willing to do anything it took for my sobriety, and willing to be honest with myself first of all. Today I have a sponsor that I worked the steps with, I have friends that I could call anytime and talk to. Today I have the job that I never imagined that I would have. Today I have a roof over my head that I am responsible for and I am able to pay bills. I am a member of a Ypaa committee. I Secretary one meeting, and do service every day no matter if it's just calling on another member. Today I know that no matter what situation comes my way, good or bad, alcohol and substances are off the table. Today I have a little bit over 15 months of real sobriety.
What I would like to tell a newcomer is to stay no matter what. If you are feeling like you are dying I hope you get tired of it. If you are struggling with any pain, sadly, I hope it gets worse. These few lines were told to me when I walked in to these rooms. And it really took for me to be in pain that I couldn't handle to get sober, and then do whatever it takes to stay sober .
Thank you for taking your time to read this ….