You won’t find this in the self-help section.

I didn’t think I was an alcoholic until I came into the rooms. Sure, I liked to drink the entire bottle and party all night, black-out and feel like death the next day or two but that didn’t seem to make me an alcoholic. Luckily for me I had a close friend who I knew didn’t drink and was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I called her minutes after I heard the voice of alcoholism directing me in my head; it was dominant, deep and determined. It told me to go buy a fresh bottle of whiskey and finish it. I considered it at first… I didn’t want to feel the pain of a broken heart. But lucky for me I didn’t drink and I haven’t drank since that moment because of the people in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. That’s not everybody’s story, but it’s my story.

The first meeting I went to was three hours after I had made that phone call to my friend. I didn’t know how to not drink before I saw her but luckily for me I found distractions. The meeting was hard to find and I walked in nervous and awkward. As they started talking, I heard the speaker mention a conscious contact and it hit me like a bolt of lightning. I never drank to be conscious, my goal was always to be unconscious.

I started going to meetings daily and connecting with other women in the rooms but I didn’t get a sponsor and I didn’t work the steps. I relapsed on drugs at a festival thinking that it was OK because it wasn’t a drink. Maybe if I had a sponsor and had I reached out to the women in the program while I sat on the ice chest of booze it may have been different. I changed my sobriety date because of weed and shrooms and I have been clean and sober for five years now. And it’s because I got a sponsor, I worked the steps and I am of service to AA and my community. And now because I have a conscious contact with a power greater than myself that is huge, I now have an endless source of love for me no matter what, and is there for me no matter what. I just heard at a meeting tonight that when I connect to my higher power I get more time in my day. Soooo true! Because of this program I no longer carry the weight of the world on my chest or feel overwhelmed for long. Instead I feel a great sense of gratitude and serenity as I live life on life‘s terms. I stay where my hands are and bring myself into the present moment. That just means to me that life isn’t perfect and life doesn’t slow down or move over or I get the things I want, how I want, when I want them. It just means to me that as I go through my day I can choose to have a different narrative; I can choose to lean in rather than avoid and sweep my shady shit under the rug. I get to have the courage to change the things I can - which is not easy, but is why it is so great to have my group of women friends in the program that understand me. Like me, these women also want to be in the solution, because it’s the easier, softer way of living without alcohol and drugs. The easier softer way doesn’t mean that not taking a drink is easy. It just means that it doesn’t have to be so hard. This program teaches me how to break it down and add simple into my life by doing the things that people tell us to do like reach out, make a phone call, send a text, call your sponsor, connect with God.

I used to stand in front of the self-help section at the book stores because I knew something was wrong with me emotionally. I’ve always been a seeker, I wasn’t raised with a religion but I sought spirituality. I had no idea that my relief would be in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous - and the funny thing is I don’t even think that book is found in the self-help section. However, I could be wrong! If you’re reading this, and if you think you might have a problem with alcohol you’re in the right place. I would pick up the phone, call the local AA hotline (530) 342-5756, find out which meeting is closest to your location and get there. Another fun tip is that AA is never easy to find, so try looking behind the building… there’s usually a back door which we consider our front door. lol

Whether it’s online, or in a building, or on the phone, the point is that you have to want it; you have to take certain steps to find us. What I’ve learned in this program is that it teaches us to take action, to start making decisions and doing things differently. Sure you can hide behind your camera on Zoom meetings, or hide behind the largest plant in the rooms (like I did), but I hope you listen to the similarities. Maybe as you identify with the person talking you’ll relax just a little bit more into your chair. And as you look around the room, you might notice that the people here are some of the happiest people on earth because they authentically understand the importance of gratitude, living in the moment and helping others. Join us and stay. You will be amazed by the time you’re half way through (the steps!) :D